Thursday update.

I hate waking up in the morning and always have. I feel like I could easily sleep 10 hours a night, no problem. I need to learn how to be a morning person, apparently, because I am frequently the LAST teacher here. 

It's very VERY hot in Kansas City right now and the power went out in school yesterday ( which meant... no lights, and NO AIR CONDITIONING) so my entire afternoon was shot. Now today the gym teacher and I flipped a class so I don't have my next class until 3:10 and I am sitting in my office. I should be planning... grading... getting ready for next week... what am I doing? Looking at shoes and makeup online. Grrrr. Stupid ADHD brain. 

Two things I really need right now is a way to hang things up on the walls that's easy and actually STAYS where I put it... and a way to make oil pastels less messy. 

I must remember to put pictures up on this blog.

I want to take a nap... and eat a cheeseburger. Ooooh... and a Diet Coke.

Successes and Failures

Today I'm feeling sort of strange. I have these headaches that come and go lately and I think they are stress related, but I'm not totally sure. I spend a lot of time thinking in my car or laying in bed about how I can be better at this. I am plagued by perpetual disorganization... even when I am running on all cylinders actively trying to fight it. My biggest failure in life, I think, is my complete lack of organizational skills.

I feel like an island a lot. I don't have a lot of contact with administration and I can tell many teachers consider me "nonessential" to the staff or the environment of the school. Of course then I feel rejected... I'm just as legitimate of a teacher as you are. I went to school just like you did. I can write a lesson plan that would blow your shorts out of the water. Do I want to be a classroom teacher? Sometimes. I'm starved for that feeling of legitimacy, for whatever reason.

But, I do have to say this... even though I don't have a classroom, I don't have a "team" at either school I teach at, I don't have that sense of legitimacy and superiority... I do walk into a classroom to cheers and applause. Every. Single. Time. I do have TWO entire schools singing my name in the hallway. I do love these kids, and I can tell they like me, as well. This is what's important. Not the politics in the building, the cliquey teacher idiocy. I am a good teacher. I am totally disorganized, and it takes me FOREVER to do things, but damn it if kids don't like me and love art and have a chance once a week to do something FUN and CREATIVE than what's the point?

 My next posts are going to be some pictures of displays and projects we've been working on. Still trying to hang stuff from WEEK ONE. Everything takes forever...

-Mrs Marlow

Thoughts on going into Week 3...

Last week was the most challenging week of my adult working life. I had my first class spiral completely out of control, and could not for the life of me resuscitate my plans. It's a kindergarten class of 32 kids, and one kid derailed EVERYTHING and it became a complete circus. Did I mention everyone had scissors and glue while they were going totally ape? It was awful. I felt so helpless and defeated... and still had to teach for two more hours.
 I also realized how terribly inept my system of organization I designed for myself was, and just spent 8+ hours today redoing everything...not even done yet, honestly.
I got (gently) reprimanded by the district for not entering any grades into our electronic grading system yet. I wasn't aware I had to do it weekly. So now I am two weeks behind doing that...
 I also got a really nasty bout of stomach sickness on Friday and had to pound through my day while fighting the urge to vomit all day long... and of course it was 90+ degrees out. It was hairy... I felt incredibly lightheaded the entire day. After my 2nd grade class, I went into my office and put my head down on the paper cutter and passed out for a bit... and missed half of my lunch duty on accident. Nothing like hearing your name being rudely blared on the PA to REPORT TO THE CAFETERIA IMMEDIATELY to make you feel like a total nimrod.

Of course, there is the perpetuating rumor that I will be reassigned again and have a third school added to my rotation, bringing my total number of students to somewhere around 500, maybe more. I haven't really done the math yet, but I know at my main school, our enrollment is right around 400, and I teach every student there. Plus six classes at another school. On one hand, I understand the nature of being a support teacher and am willing to do whatever it takes for the greater good. On the other hand, keeping up with 500+ projects and grades is going to be a disaster. I also have this maybe wistful and silly want to be a part of a school community, to run maybe an art club or do a school play or something like that... and with my time being spread so thin, I am realizing that for this year, it is unlikely I will "belong" the way I want to.

I am just starting to realize the amount of work that this year is really going to take from me. This coming weekend I am going home (to Chicago) to see my family for probably the last time until the holidays, and I am stressing because although it's Labor Day and I will have that extra day... I anticipate I'll have another 12 hours of planning and grading to do next weekend. Finding time to navigate through all of this stuff is scary and difficult. But I'm managing.

I did learn one thing that really boosted my spirits from one of my colleagues/teacher girlfriends this past week. The original school that I interviewed at (School 1) and was originally assigned to be at as the "primary" art teacher is now my "secondary" assignment. When I found out that the district was able to just move and push people to wherever, I was so upset. I loved the principal at that school (the woman who hired me), and had really strong desires to be there. The staff all seemed positive and have a great repertoire. Plus, I have a classroom there. Well, it turns out that the powers that be in the district did what they would, but I was pleased to learn that there was a genuine fight by the principal and other staff at School 1 to keep me, and that they were VERY disappointed that they lost that battle. Silly ego stuff, I know, but it made me feel like less of a commodity to be pushed around by the blind eye of the district, and more like a "Real Teacher."

It's 10:15pm right now... Sunday... still working on plans for this week. I have adjusted and readjusted my units for every grade about ten times already in two weeks.

I just keep repeating to myself "Everything is going to be okay...."

Year one, post one.

The purpose of this blog is to document my first year teaching elementary art. I am thinking about using this blog as part journal, part gallery, part resource for my future self.
As of this post, I am just about two weeks into the start of the school year. The district I work in is undergoing massive changes as it is trying desperately to reclaim its lost state accreditation. Support/specials teachers are shared between buildings and I split my time between two schools, 4 days in one building, 1 day in another. I was hired in May, and within three months my teaching assignment has changed twice, and may change again... rumor has it as soon as next week.
My major complaint right now is that I am teaching art from a cart in my main school. The building is over 100 years old and the elevator hardly ever works. And it only goes to 2/3 floors. So I am part gypsy, part pack horse, running up and down stairs and dropping things at every turn. It's madness... and my feet are killing me.

In these past two weeks, I have felt joy, sadness, frustration, anger, a sense of hopelessness, a sense of overflowing hope, fear, determination, and exhaustion, more than anything. Oh, and hunger. I never have time to eat. I have been eating like a hobo... shoving food in my pockets and eating in the hallway, or the bathroom. It's bad.

The roller coaster ride has just started... I know it will get better, and worse. I know I will make worse mistakes than I already have. I'm terrified, and energized.... and hungry. Oh my word, am I hungry.

If you for some reason are reading this blog, you are invited to comment on any post. Thank you for reading my insane ramblings.

-Ms. Marlow